Milestones

 Bismillah 

Assalaamu alaikum,

Year 4, Day 678 (yes I just made that up)

I keep telling myself what to do and then not doing it. It took nearly 17 years (not making that up) for me to finally know what it takes to attain to Quran. It takes heart and courage. It takes obsession. It takes unforgiving, unrelenting marching and return. It takes sweat, tears and sadness. But first of all and most of all it takes humility and taubah. 

I cannot do this except… with Allah’s gracious mercy. How kind is Allah! 

When I first learned that the person who memorizes Quran goes to Jannah I was thrilled and wanted to give it a try. And when I learned that that person gets to take 70 others with them I was elated and floored at the same time. Memorizing Quran is the first thing I ever wanted to be when I grew up. And just this year I finally figured out exactly what its going got take to get there. 

So here it is. I’ll tell you. Maybe you can get there before me. 

Number one start with taubah repentance. Start with humility. Allah knows every secret in every corner of my soul and yours. And yet He still gives us eyes that see and ears that hear. Once I began to make taubah every day I started to see my sins. Don’t stop! And don’t be afraid Blackseed. Allah already knew my sins and He knows your sins. He is showing them to us in this world so we don’t have to deal with them on the day of judgement. So stay humble. 

Number 2. Be realistic. I am not going to memorize the entire Quran in 6 months or 2 years. Stop making unrealistic goals and stop taking self defeating measures. Make a plan that is sensible and that you think you can stick to day after day with only 1 day off weekly and Eid holidays. Then cut that plan in half. This is the starting point. 

Number three Start every day fresh and don’t cry about the past. I cannot go back to the time that I first began writing this blog and make myself have completed memorization. Reality doesn’t work that way. And it's not supposed to. You have to fail enough times that you give up. Then you have to pick yourself up enough times that it becomes a cliche, a joke. Until you… until I reached the point where quitting is no longer part of my vocabulary. Indeed! One must reach the point where failure no longer exists. There are simply days where Allah blessed me to do more work or days where Allah blessed me to get more rest. Period!

And finally one must rely on Allah the way the prophets did. They are the ones who understood the secret that most of us don’t perceive. Allah is orchestrating all of this. Every moment, of every second, of every breath, of every day is all being done by Allah. Will we not then be grateful. Will we not then relax? Will I not then leave my worry behind me?    

Now that I know these truths I have only to write my plan and execute.

I know I can memorize a page a day. So I will memorize half a page per day. 

Wake up and make taubah or 100 istighfar followed by at least 11 salawaat. Then read my half page 100 times. Then Revise Baqara

The second round of the day I memorize my half page then revise juz 28 thru 30. And thats all folks.  That’s all. 

 Bismillah

As Salaamu alaikum, 

When I started this process I had no idea what in the world I was doing. It has taken four and a half years but I am finally getting the hang of it. Sing a song of Praise for Allah. I had no idea the stamina it would take to read even 1 juz consistently every single day. An now I find that I need to read 3 and I have to memorize my lines. And I have to revise the most recent hizb I memorized at least 4 times which is in effect reading another 2-3 ajzaa’. So really I read 6 juz a day.) And that has to be done just to maintain 5 juz. The aim is 30. 

But here’s the thing. Here’s the secret 🤫. So please don’t spread it too far. When the intention is sincere all a person has to do is show up. Really and truly. Showing up is all that is required. Allah takes care of the rest. I find that my greatest struggle is just being where I need to be at the time I need to be there and starting my process. Once I begin Allah takes over. I am instantaneously amazed at the progress I make. Making the decision to get there… that has been hard. And it has been a source of pain deep in my spirit.

I want  Quran and I need Quran. But what if I neglect my children or family and Allah becomes angry with me? (That excuse barely makes sense.) Or what if I can’t really do it and I give up and fail in front of my kids. (That excuse for not showing up makes even less sense.) Nevertheless… It still is a source of worry.

Anyway This week I will do something different. I will not think. I will tell myself what to do and simply execute!. 

1. Don’t complain. Yes it’s awful that my potty trained daughter peed on the floor because she didn't feel like going to the bathroom. But so what. If I reach old age and end up peeing on floors and crying about, she can clean it up. Bwahahahahaa.

2. Put Quran first. The first to do. The only to do every Quran workday is Quran. Allah has already taken care of the rest. 

3. Suck It Up. I am not the most hurt person in the world. Whatever the hardship, problem, pain, heartache, etc. someone else will always win the who suffers the most contest. So stop trying to compete. Suck it up and do the work.

4. Always tell yourself something good. It takes guts to memorize quran. I have guts. I have heart.  

 Bismillah,

I feel like a crazy person. I feel like a crazy person spinning on a wheel getting nowhere. I feel like a crazy person spinning on a wheel getting nowhere fast giving up on my dreams only to realize that i have to keep going. Then I collapse from sheer exhaustion.

Every morning I wake up and have to tell myself, remind myself what it is that I am doing. Okay so it’s not really that dramatic. But sometimes I do get so exhausted that I forget the point of working so hard for a goal. And I just want to sleep for a week. In this case the goal is so far away that it isn’t really about the goal. No. It’s about the transformation along the way. And I have a ways to go. 

I remember Master Yoda telling me an aya once. It went something like…”Quran is a healing for everything in the breast.” It never occurred to me that that might mean that everything ailment in my soul is going to be brought out and released if I really try to memorize Quran. Or that I would be forced to learn and grow if I want to even have a chance at attaining my goal.

That has been the hardest part for me. It is the discovery that I am not as great as I think I am. I have more flaws than I may ever know. And at the same time, nor am I as terrible as Satan whispers to me that I am. And with consistent taubah all of my sins will be continually washed away. I am water being filtered through Quran. And the process right now is slow. And Allahu Akbar it is also steady.