Settling into the Rhythm of Qur’an

 Bismillah,

Assalaamu alaikum

SubhaanAllah there are moments while memorizing Quran where I lose myself in the words and… and just allow myself to feel the rhythm of the letters. As I journey farther into the book I find that the ayaat are completely foreign to my mind and spirit.

As I try to etch the words on my heart I feel as though I am writing circles on water, quicksand, dough, then wet cement. When I reach this point I just have to keep it fresh revising and reciting it everyday until it solidifies  on my heart.  But how long will that take?

I used to think that memorizing Quran would get easier once I was able to be consistent. But that isn’t the case (yet?). The more I chase after it the more it seems to disappear. It evades my grasp leaving me to wonder if I am doing something wrong. Then the ayaat begin to overlap and I time warp from one sura to another, connecting different meanings and getting lost in the sounds. 

Then I smile. Then I turn and grin. Allah is with me and this is my path. This journey is the medicine that I need in my heart. This is the healing I’ve been looking for. Quran is a cure for everything in the breast. Sometimes I guess I need to take my medicine slowly.

Sura Nuh

“Surely we sent Nuh to his people to warn them before a painful punishment came.”

 It took me a while to memorize this sura. There were a lot of personal lessons I had to learn in order to finish it. I had to learn, again, how important it is to sleep. I had to learn how valuable quiet moments are. And Allah also caused me to remember what a blessing it is to be in good health. Master Yoda and the children were all sick. Or rather they are all sick. They dropped like flies one after the other. And they are enjoying the blessings of delicious cough drops. 

Sickness is beyond our control. We can take all the medicines and wear the masks but what is coming for a person won’t miss him or her. And what was coming to the disobedient people of Noah only missed a few of them. It missed the few who chose to believe.

Allah sends us messages through the messengers because He loves us. He wants to give us the choice and the chance to turn to Him alone. Sura Nuh is the story of a people who were the first to commit the worst sin in history. Their sin was idolatry. In my discussions with Master Yoda about this sura, ( he has done comparative christian research on Nuh/Noah peace be upon him) he mentioned so many pieces of the story that are left out or misconstrued in the Bible. 

So here are some quick facts, for anyone reading, just to have the Quranic story straight,

1. Noah was sent to his people by Allah/God to warn the people and protect them from a painful punishment.
2. He counseled them to worship Allah, to fear Allah, and to obey him.
3. He delivered the message for 950 years.
4. He preached out loud/openly, in secret/privately, day and night.
5. He told them of the rewards of Allah and that Allah would bless and increase them in wealth and children, and give them lush gardens and flowing rivers.
6. He delivered the message to the point that his people put their fingers in their ears and wrapped  themselves in their clothing to avoid him.
7. After 950 years of seeing generation after generation led astray He prayed to Allah that these people would be removed from the earth because of their sins and the fact that they only gave birth to sinning criminals.

I can’t imagine the dedication it must have taken to deliver the message to people who didn’t even want to hear it for 950 years. Perhaps I can have a little more courage in doing the things that I find difficult.

What I’m Aiming For

 Bismillah

As Salaamu alaikum,

I open my eyes at 3 am and stand up. I lift my hands to the sky and stretch as I say my morning du’a /prayers. This is my time with Allah. I turn on the shower then use the toilet super fast. I shower then rub myself down in essential oils blended with argon, grape seed, and olive oil. I brushed my teeth and hair in the shower so now I am almost ready. I dress in the outfit I picked out the night before and add earrings a necklace and shimmery lipgloss. I put a thin layer of Kohl in my eyes. I am ready to be embraced by my Lord. This is my time. This is when I lay my burdens down and lose all sight and concern for self. I go to my special place and stand before my Lord. My nurturing and loving Allah. Here I am Lord engulf me in your spirit. Memorizing Quran is tough. Please help me eat through one more day.

Then I sit open my mushaf and memorize. Then I revise with a friend from 4:30-5. Quran class is 5-5:20 am Mon-Thur. My 2 year old wakes up around the start of class or right before. She sits in my lap and makes faces at the camera as I try to concentrate hard enough to remember yesterdays lesson despite the antics and giggles of a 2-year-old. 

After class I make my next post for this blog then I teach a 1-1 tajweed lesson. Its rewarding to help another sister get closer to quran. I begin to feel the rush tugging at me and I start ticking my body moving my shoulders up and down getting ready for the morning rush its going to be wild today but the time will pass and I will succeed. 

6:15

Ready. Set. Go!

Two sunnah rakats then FAjr salat. Complete with dhikr.

Alarm goes off I grab my phone turn off the alarm and turn on zoom for my daughter/son to have her/his Quran lesson. The child i s set I go and put a load in the washing machine. Then I make breakfast we eat at 7 and I want to be able to go to the Kroc center today. So I pack a snack bag for three because who even know who will have to come with me.

Its 6:47 why is the time passing so quickly. Time for morning Awrad. I hop on the stationary bike with my 📿 rosary in hand. I Imagine I am riding through a field of wildflowers glorifying my Lord all the time. Done. I hop off the bike. Its already 7. Anyone who isn’t awake I wake them now inticing Them with the promise of a warm meal ready to go. I put on my headphone And turn on whatever sura I am working on. Time to revise. I take the two littles. Dress them. 2 minutes if the clothes are ready 4 minutes if the clothes aren’t ready. Wash their faces and hands. Then sit them down to eat. —— How did you manage to get food in your hair dearest and food down your back. I change one or both of their clothing again. 

7:40 

MAn Im late! Time warp. I go to the family room barking orders at tiny people the whole way. Do this. Don’t do that. Im gonna get you later! Giggles and litter pattering feet seem to echo all around me. I love it. 💕 In the family room I give my sone his lesson then make sure my oldest is revising her Quran. I stop moving long enough to take three deep breaths and slow my heart. The sound of Husary plays the headphones and reaches into my spirit. I can do this. My som has his lessons now I can go I drop the kids and school and talk myself out of going to the Gym. I want a nap

9am I take a nap

To be continued…    

 Bismillah

As Salaamu alaikum,

Hello self. Good morning! Will you please be good today?

Often, in the midst of a memorization session, I will receive a thought so compelling that it stops me in my tracks. And I have to stop and figure out where I am and what I’m doing. I have to look down at the page of Quran to remember what I was doing and that I need to continue. When that happens I know that I am on the cusp of a breakthrough and Shaitan is doing everything he can to stop my success. 

Alhamdulillah. All praise is for He who originates the souls and has given us beautiful forms. We stand upright and our hearts face one another. 

There is a sweetness in the rhythmic remembrance of Allah. The recitation of Quran doesn’t always come easy. But there is a certain point at which you cross a boundary. An internal spiritual boundary, that allows one to begin to access intimacy with Allah. It’s a different type of experience. Once one has gotten beyond a certain degree of pain and hardship in recitation and has submitted ones will to Allah completely something simply happens. 

I’ve heard it described as flow in some circles. Time seems to slow or to speed up and there is no separation between the self and the words. Focus is complete and concentration is whole. At the times I have reached this state everything else blurs into a dull background. Suddenly I’ll hear someone from a distance say, “It’s time to pray.” Or I’ll feel a need tug at me. When that happens I feel as if I’m waking from a dream. And as the Quran and I separate I begin to notice myself again. My limbs are heavy. I feel hunger. Sometime, if I’ve been sitting unchanged for over an hour, sharp stings of pain will shoot down and up my legs as they awaken. My body will often feel extremely tired but there is also something more. A deep relief and blessed taste swirls around in my spirit. I can barely enjoy it before it fades and I go back to being an ordinary person. But for the smallest glimpse of time I feel as if I had walked in heaven and I cannot wait to return.

 Bismillah

Assalaamu alaikum

It is difficult to memorize Quran with small children who cannot feed, dress, or clean themselves. And that difficulty is multiplied when we are ill or when I or master Yoda have to travel. It can feel overwhelming to even attempt to accomplish something so big as memorizing the Quran by heart. And sometimes thinking about it slows my memorization down to a crawl. So I sigh and I smile. Because in the difficult moments, trying to hold onto Quran reminds me that Allah is with me. And when Allah is with a person there is no failing. There is simply decree. 

What I mean by that is that there are times we need to rest. So we should rest. There are times we need to unwind. So we should unwind, and there are times we need to worship and work. So we should worship and work. Being able to decide what to do at the exact time that you need is a definition of discipline. Having to memorize the same half page over and over day after day for hours is not failing. It is simply decree. There are times when Allah slows us down so we can stop, assess, and make changes to our routine. I no longer fear that I am going to give up trying to memorize. However I often feel like giving up. But I choose to do what I think is right no matter what I feel. And when I stand before Allah on judgement day I want the quran there by my side as a witness for me. Reality gives me strength.

 Bismillah

As salaamu alaikum,

I am feeling grateful today for the struggle of going after something I love and need. I have moved from memorizing from the front of the mushaf, where I made it to the end of An’aam, to memorizing from the back of the Quran. I am memorizing with my children that way so I can help them along and we can revise together. And so I can learn and teach humility. They are ahead of me and they have such happy looks of ernest joy when I ask them to test me on a page they already know. 

It was the right decision to memorize with them and I am grateful Allah inspired that idea in me. Then came Sura Jinn. OMG! I thought I had it going on but sura Jinn is a beast. Trying t memorize it, I feel like I am galloping toward it on a strong steed. I lasso it and catch it. Then it vanishes into thin air with an eerie laugh that echos in my mind. Is it inna, innahu, lamma, dhaunna. Hahahahahaaa. 

I am learning a lesson here in this sura. I am learning that sometimes its not about what I think I am giving, or the work and time I think I am dedicating to something. It’s about what I am actually giving. It’s about what I am deciding to put first and what I am choosing to allow to distract me from What I claim is the most important thing to my heart and soul. And I feel that I am coming up short. No I know that I am coming up short. I have a decision to make. I have to choose to put first things first. If you want to memorize Quran, you have to put Quran first. And with my many adult responsibilities to maintain, that are necessary for others to exist and thrive, it is difficult to choose to put myself and my desire to please Allah before every other person or thing in my life. But I know that if I sincerely make the best choice everyday, Allah will carry me through.