Bismillah

As salaamu alaikum,

I am feeling grateful today for the struggle of going after something I love and need. I have moved from memorizing from the front of the mushaf, where I made it to the end of An’aam, to memorizing from the back of the Quran. I am memorizing with my children that way so I can help them along and we can revise together. And so I can learn and teach humility. They are ahead of me and they have such happy looks of ernest joy when I ask them to test me on a page they already know. 

It was the right decision to memorize with them and I am grateful Allah inspired that idea in me. Then came Sura Jinn. OMG! I thought I had it going on but sura Jinn is a beast. Trying t memorize it, I feel like I am galloping toward it on a strong steed. I lasso it and catch it. Then it vanishes into thin air with an eerie laugh that echos in my mind. Is it inna, innahu, lamma, dhaunna. Hahahahahaaa. 

I am learning a lesson here in this sura. I am learning that sometimes its not about what I think I am giving, or the work and time I think I am dedicating to something. It’s about what I am actually giving. It’s about what I am deciding to put first and what I am choosing to allow to distract me from What I claim is the most important thing to my heart and soul. And I feel that I am coming up short. No I know that I am coming up short. I have a decision to make. I have to choose to put first things first. If you want to memorize Quran, you have to put Quran first. And with my many adult responsibilities to maintain, that are necessary for others to exist and thrive, it is difficult to choose to put myself and my desire to please Allah before every other person or thing in my life. But I know that if I sincerely make the best choice everyday, Allah will carry me through.